Monday, January 22, 2007

dear semester, please start soon.

I am in desperate need for something in my life to have structure to it.

Many big things like WORK and thesis and language studying and blah blah blah and WORK that are so very, very unstructured given their nature (WORK, mainly, as we are a vendor and everything we do is dictated by others and reactionary to their whims and needs and whims)...big blobs of unstructured lead to paralysis and not efficiency, which is my shtick.

When the semester starts, the library hours change from totally inconvenient (now) to really helpful and extended (then). That will enable me to schedule and plan using time blocks not currently available to me. Well, the blocks are, but the environment change isn't. I need the environment change in order to be productive. So, that'll be something.

But really it's just WORK that's the big paralysis-maker. Projects with no linearity, everything having to be done yesterday but with gaping holes in the requirements such that things can't move forward, unforseen needs of other clients interrupting any flow that does get started. I can't work that way. Yet, that's how we've worked for years and years. And it sucks enormously.

When the semester starts, not only will I have some structured time outside of my house in which to be productive, but I will have other things that will push out the constant obsessing over all the job-related stuff, which I can't really control, yet controls a significant portion of me. Almost over though. Just not soon enough.